I Won't Apologize
by moonlightstudio
Summary: This is my entry for dolphinherovamp5's 'Realization in the Rain' contest. Bella had known Edward was still in love with his previous flame, Tanya. But when he leaves her hanging by a thread she can't take it anymore. 'I Won't Apologize' by Selena Gomez.


**So, this is my entry for the 'Realization in the Rain' challenge dolphinherovamp5 is running. This was a joy to write so I would like to thank dolphinherovamp5 for running this contest. At first when I started writing this I was thinking of something more along the line of the eposide in One Tree Hill where Brooke and Lucas kiss in the rain. But when I started writing I knew I was taking a whole different route. Like every one of my stories, this is based on a song. And that song is 'I Won't Apologize' by Selena Gomez. **

**I hope you guys enjoy this story as much as I loved writing it, and I would love to hear your thoughts. Also, update for Life Goes On should be by the end of the week, I'm already two pages through the next chapter. Because it's a little hard writing the 'discussion'. I am also working on a little teaser type of thing for those summaries I put in chapter nine of Life Goes On. I like the second one particulary, but I don't know what you think. So, those should be up soon as well. Those, as you may probably know from the summaries, will be a litte angsty and not so romantic, but you'll just have to wait and see.**

**So as I wrote this one-shot, although it is solely based on that one song mentioned before, I was also listening to her entire 'Selena Gomez and the Scene' CD as I wrote it. So, I'm going to stop talking here, but don't worry, I'm not done talking yet. So read the story and then I'll talk more at the bottom. ;')**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own twilight or it's characters, I am merely borrowing Stephenie Meyer's creativity to create my own story.

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**Penname: **moonlightstudio  
**Title: **I Won't Apologize  
**Summary: **Bella had known Edward was still in love with his previous flame, Tanya. But when he leaves her hanging by a thread she can't take it anymore.  
**POV(s): **Bella  
**Universe: **All Human  
**Challenge: **Realization in the Rain Challenge

I should have known that when you loved someone as much as Edward loved Tanya, there was no way he'd get over it in a matter of months. Scars like which he had took years to heal, not months, and I was an idiot to believe that in the first place. He loved with Tanya with all he had, he'd given her his heart, body and soul; and all she'd done was trample all over it as she left him before he could even realize what had gone on. I'd hoped that maybe my love for him could heal his wounds, but I couldn't heal him. Only he had the power to do that.

As I walked home in the rain I knew that this was God giving me the tears I couldn't cry. I hadn't cried since Jacob died when I was fourteen, because that was when I realized tears didn't do anything. They didn't bring anyone back; they were useless. And crying wasn't going to make Edward love me. I'd given him that choice, and after six months he still couldn't bring himself to love me back. I knew that I shouldn't have pressured him, but the truth was that he couldn't keep Tanya in him forever, one day he was going to have to let her go.

_Edward drove me to his place, and we had to run inside so as we could get out of the rain. He pulled my coat off for me and hung it up on the hooks above the door. He turned to me and smiled as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him._

_I kissed him for a couple of brief moments before I pulled back and looked around at the place Edward had grown up in. It was beautiful; and I could tell that the theme for the house was white. There were white walls, white stairs, white banisters, white couches, and white vases; but other than that there was also black and grey. But there were very few things that came in the darker colors. I knew my mother, who was a full on Christian, something she'd taken up recently, would believe that this was a place of God. With all of its white she would have called it heaven. But we all knew she would only say that because she wasn't really a Christian._

_I walked around the corner and into a room with bean bags and a large TV the size of a wall stuck to the wall, which was how I made the comparison. I looked back at Edward with my eyes wide open and my mouth in a large 'O'. He just shrugged and I ran forward to lightly place the tips of my fingers against it. Just to see if it was real, and it was._

"_I wouldn't touch that if I were you," I heard Edward say from behind me. "Emmett has an unhealthy addiction to that thing and would literally kill you if you did anything to it." He chuckled and I looked back at it, touching it once more before I turned to Edward with a cheeky smile._

"_So you're telling me that if there wasn't any Rosalie, this would be the love of Emmett's life?" I asked him as I started to walk around again, touching random things in my path._

_I heard Edward come up behind me and he gathered me up in his arms and I wrapped my arms around his neck. "That is exactly what I'm saying." He laughed as he pressed his smooth lips to mine._

_Our lips moved in synchronization, but I pulled back before it could turn to anything more. Unlike Edward I still had my big V, and I wasn't going to just give it up in a moment of intense passion. I wanted it to be romantic, and I wanted to be ready. And I wasn't ready yet. _

_He bit his lip for a moment before he leant forward to give me another quick kiss on the lips before letting me back down and taking a hold of my hand instead. He led me around this house and showed me things I never knew existed. This house was all with the new technology, there was even a remote controlled fire; something I didn't even know could be made._

_When we reached his bedroom I was in too much awe to be slightly surprised. His sister, Alice', room had been enough for me to realize that there was nothing the Cullen's didn't have. His room was plain compared to the others, and I could tell that he wasn't as into material objects as his family was. He had a plain brown bed, a bedside table with a lamp, a full body mirror pushed up against the opposite wall beside some doors that led out to a veranda, he had a desk, a book cupboard and then he had full walled windows that when opened you could jump down from and into the forest behind the Cullen house._

_It was a beautiful in the way that it was simple. Simple was easy for me, what I liked. I walked over and opened up the full walled windows and sat down, letting my legs go over the edge and peered down belong. I felt Edward sit down behind me and wrap his arms around my waist._

"_Don't want you falling," He said as he nuzzled his head into my shoulder and kissed my neck._

_I leaned into his embrace and held his arms closer to me. I looked out at the forest, comforted by the peaceful green. _

"_Haha, very funny." I murmured as he pulled me closer. I turned my head and pressed my lips to his as I stood up and pulled him up with me. _

_I stumbled a little, and I swear I was about to fall, but Edward quickly pulled me back and behind him. "Better close these." He said as he pulled them closed and walked back over to me. "Don't know how you'd survive that. I mean other people might end up with a couple of broken bones, but you on the other hand. I'm pretty sure you'd hit a couple of invisible branches on your way down."_

_I hit him playfully and smiled, even though I was generally annoyed at his constant need to make fun of how accident prone I was. I mean it wasn't entirely my fault I didn't have a good sense of co ordination and couldn't walk on a flat surface. _

_I walked back down the stairs and into the kitchen he had showed me a couple of minutes ago. I opened the fridge to see what was in there and then started to get ingredients out. I didn't actually know what I was going to make, but I decided that I would create something tonight. _

_Edward just leaned up against a bench as I started to cut up a carrot and I looked over at him before looking back down at the orange carrot I held in my hand. I sliced it up into slightly thin slices before I turned to the broccoli and started cutting what I called the 'braches' off the stem._

"_Tell me something I don't already know about you." Edward suddenly said and I peered up at him through my mahogany colored hair that had served as a curtain between him and me for the past two minutes._

_I could feel the heat rushing to my cheeks as a blush started to appear. "What don't you already know?" I asked him, keeping my full attention on the broccoli so I didn't cut myself like my mother did when she was twenty four. Nearly sliced her whole pinkie off, not a pretty sight. And I wasn't going to repeat that._

"_Just tell me anything." He said and I heard him walk over to me. He slipped his hands around my waist and I sighed in content._

"_I love you." I heard myself, and I instantly regretted it. I mean I didn't take back the feelings, I didn't regret saying how I felt. It was just that I knew Edward didn't want to hear that right now. No matter how much I loved him I knew he wasn't ready for this. I'd taken into account his past relationship and I knew that he didn't want to go rushing into anything new._

_He stepped away from me and I looked back at him and saw that he was walking back to where he was before, away from me. I placed the knife on the bench and turned around to lean my back against it and looked at the floor at my feet._

_Okay, maybe I was lying to myself. I knew that he was struggling. But when someone says that you don't just be silent. I deserved at least something from him. But he just stood there with his eyes closed and held low._

"_Fine, don't say anything." I told him as I turned around and started to cut up the broccoli again. "It's okay."_

_I heard him stand up and I could feel the glare he was giving me, warm against my back. "So what, am I supposed to say something?" He said, and I could hear the restraint in his voice. "I'm sorry but I really don't have anything to say."_

_I sighed but continued chopping the broccoli. "That's why I said to say anything. I get that you can't return the feelings."_

"_I never said I couldn't return the feelings, and I never said I didn't love you." He shouted at me. But we both the truth that lingered beneath the words he spoke._

"_Then tell me you don't still love Tanya." I sneered as I turned to him. I could take a little, but not a lot. I had had a lack of impatience since I was a kid. "Tell me she doesn't still appear in every single one of your dreams." I told him._

"_I don't have to say anything I don't want to." He retorted as he slammed his fist against the bench._

"_That's fine." I said as I slammed the knife. "I'm going home." I told him as I turned and walked around him and out of the kitchen._

_I walked to the front door and grabbed my coat off the hook and put it on. I opened the door and it didn't take me by surprise that it was raining. I walked out into the rain and pulled the hood over my head as I hugged the fabric to my skin._

"_Bella. I'm sorry, let me drive you home!" I heard Edward shout from behind me._

"_Leave me alone!" I shouted back at him as I continued to walk down the foreign path he'd drive down a little while ago. I hoped that the route he had taken was still fresh in my mind. Or maybe I'd get lost along the way._

"_You'll catch pneumonia." He shouted from behind me, and this time his voice was drowned out a little by the rain and I knew he was still standing on his porch._

"_Maybe I'll get lucky!" I shouted back at him._

That was how I got here. Walking myself in the rain. I knew that my actions were a little over the top, but I had to show Edward that I wasn't going to fall into his arms whenever we had a fight. I had accepted that he was still captured by Tanya, but leaving me hanging after telling him I loved him was beyond the boundaries I'd set.

I walked along and heard the gravel crunch under my feet and the rain pelt down onto my clothes. I knew there was a chance I would get pneumonia, but I guess if that were the guess I wouldn't have to deal with Edward any more.

It was around ten minutes after I'd already started walking that I saw the headlights of a car approaching me from behind. I tried to hide from it and walked into the forest, but I was sure it had seen me because it stopped and someone got out. I peered out from behind the tree to see a familiar disgruntled looking Edward.

I sighed and walked back out, but continued walking down the road.

"Bella, please just let me drive you home!" He shouted, but his words were still drowned out by the rain and I pretended I couldn't hear him.

"Bella! Don't make me do this."

I chuckled and turned around. "Do what?" I challenged him. But when I turned around he was nowhere to be seen. I looked around and I couldn't see him anymore.

But suddenly someone came out from behind me and grabbed me around the middle and placed their hands around my mouth. I knew from the electricity the circulated through me from their touch that it was Edward. I struggled in his arms, but it wasn't long before I was in his car and he'd locked the door. He got into the driver's seat and started the car.

I refused to look at him as we drove home, and when we got to my house and he unlocked the doors I threw myself out of the car and started walking to the front door.

"Bella, wait!"

I continued walking. "Leave me alone!"

But he grabbed me around the middle, this was getting really annoying. I turned around and pushed him away from me, glaring at him and daring him to continue.

"I know that Tanya has put a dent in our relationship, but I want to try Bella. I don't want you to go in there and never talk to me again. I value you too much." He said with honest eyes.

I looked down and I could feel my pain evaporating. "I know that you still love Tanya, I accepted that a long time ago. But I'm not going to stay in this relationship if I know you're not one hundred and ten per cent in it with me. I won't apologize when it all comes crashing down."

As I stood there in the rain with Edward Cullen I knew that his broken boy would always hold my heart. No matter if I was with him or not, he would always have me. Just maybe not physically.

"We're not going to crash down." He pleaded with me. "I . . . like you. A lot. But I need more time before I can say those three words you want me to say. I'm not ready to get my heart broken again." He said.

"Don't you get it? I'm not like Tanya. I'm not going to walk away from you when everything's perfect. I won't hurt you." I told him.

He smiled a small smile and took my hands in his. "I trust you. But I'm not willing to take that chance."

I pulled my hand from his grip and shook my head sadly. "You're either all in or all out. I'm not having a half in and half out relationship with you Edward. I couldn't stand the pain."

He looked up into my eyes and I could see his thinking in his eyes. I could see the struggle it was taking him to make one simple decision.

"I want you, Bella." He said simply.

I sighed and turned my back on him, turning my back on the one person I did and would always love. I turned around to look at him when I reached the door and bit my lip.

"That's not enough." I told him, and then I turned the knob and walked in. I closed the door and pressed against it. I slid down it as the silent tears overwhelmed me.

I knew I couldn't change the past, what I'd done was already done. All I could do was hope for the future, and whether or not Edward would be in it.

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**So what did you guys think? I wanted it to be a little more romantic, but I guess my one shots are more based on the unhappiness of losing love. I mean Kiss The Girl and Losing You Forever were both sad love stories. Well, one day I might do a more happy one-shot. I think it's the fact that for me writing something happy will mean it will go on and on. But something sad means that there is an end. Because when the happiness ends so does the story. Do you get that?**

**Has anyone seen the Vampire Sucks trailer yet? I've seen some scenes from it on youtube and I can tell I am going to love it. I am a major twi fan, and I have no idea why I'd want to see something that was made to make fun of twilight. My tech teacher even asked me that, but I really don't have any reason beside the fact that it looks funny. It has Lexi out of The Vampire Diaries, Arielle Kebell, and she plays Victoria. And then Matt Lanter plays Edward Sullen, which I think is totally rude since there can only be one Edward out there, and that _is _Robert Pattinson. I'm not going to tell you much about the scenes if you haven't seen them, but I love the part where the Jessica chick explains to Bella or Becca tht the Sullen's are really 'close'. And a scene with Victoria. You're just going to have to go watch them aren't you. But I love it.**

**Regarding my other stories, Life Goes On should be updated before Friday, Life Starts Now should be updated when I finish chapter three and send it to my beta, and I don't know when Sacrifice will be updated. I have the plot in my mind, but I don't know when I will continue writing. I do not have any intentions on not finishing the story, because I love this story, but I don't know when I will upload more chapters.**

**My poll is still up and Life Goes On is winning, so maybe I won't have to worry about that and I'll just put it on HIATUS, but until then I'll have to think about. I would like over twenty poll votes or I will choose myself, so please go and head over there. I will have another poll up there soon as well, and I guess you'll have to see what it is.**

**Until next time, my happiness is in your hands. Not all of it, but a little bit of it. Reviews are my sunshine, so please review and put a little sunlight in my day. Please?**

**From,**

**Sophia**


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